In honor of Samhain tomorrow I thought I would share my favourite poem with everyone

In spring of youth it was my lot
To haunt of the wide world a spot
The which I could not love the less--
So lovely was the loneliness
Of a wild lake, with black rock bound,
And the tall pines that towered around.

But when the Night had thrown her pall
Upon that spot, as upon all,
And the mystic wind went by
Murmuring in melody--
Then-- ah then I would awake
To the terror of the lone lake

Yet that terror was not fright
But a tremulous delight--
A feeling not the jewelled mine
Could teach or bribe me to define--
Nor Love-- although the Love were thine.

Death was in that poisonous wave,
And in its gulf a fitting grave
For him who thence could solace bring
To his lone imagining--
Whose solitary soul could make
An Eden of that dim lake.

Edgar A. Poe

It's an almost unknown poem of his, but to me, it is his most beautiful. Taken at face value it is macabre and depressing, filled with nothing but dark thoughts. But I find the more I read it and think about it the more I find the hope beneath the words. "Yet that terror was not fright" tells of appreciation for life, even in its darkest moment. An appreciation for the dark because without it the light is wasted. These thoughts are, to me, the truest that I have heard and even now I am filled with a warmth of love that is difficult to express. The sentiment and thought I wish to send to you is find whatever it is that gives you that warmth this October 31st

Liz

So, as a tribute to Zombieland recently coming out and my general fascination with the idea I would like to know what everyones zombie plan is. Don't worry if you've never really thought about it, just be inventive! Here's the scenario:

One month from now (November 12th) scientists in Los Alamos create the Solanum virus and it manages to leak out into the population. The 'zombies' you are dealing with when initially infected have extreme flu like symptoms and expire 12-24 hours after being exposed. When they reanimate they have all the physical abilities that they did when 'alive' but no mental capacity beyond that and the desire for flesh. There physical aptitude diminishes the longer they roam. They will attack and eat anything living but prefer human flesh. The virus is only transferable by bodily fluid contact with the infected and a head shot or severing the spinal chord at the base of the skull is the only way to kill them.

Your resources: Things you actually have access to now, but think logically. Yeah, you have access to the local cost-co but how many other people (possibly infected people I might add) will have the same idea when all hell breaks loose.

I would like to know: Where would you go? How will you get there? What weapons will you take? Will you go with anyone? Will you try to settle somewhere or keep moving? What skills do you have that you think would be useful? What other things would you take with you? Anything that you think would be useful to consider.

This is for fun so be imaginitive but try to be realistic too. I will post my zombie plan as a response too! I look forward to everyones answers!

You'll have to forgive me for another dreary post but I need to flush out my thoughts and I figure who better to share them with than you lovely people.

So for starters I'm sick. Not anything terribly dangerous just sinus's that got out of control, but I've felt like absolute shit the past two weeks. The doctor has put me on z-pack amongst three other medications just so I can function. However I have been taking care of myself and forcing myself to go to school etc, etc.

The whole time the same thought being on my mind. Well when Brett gets here this weekend he'll take care of me and I'll finally be able to relax. There are many reasons this thought stayed in my mind. First being that he's my boyfriend who says he loves me so he should be willing to take care of me. Second, he said he would, and third, a while back when he was terribly sick and I was sick as well (though not as bad as he was) I took care of him for 8 days straight without complaining so in a very rude sense, he owes me.

He got back last night and turned the a/c on for me (for those of you who haven't been to my house, some times this requires going up on the roof). He then proceeded to tell me that I looked like death warmed over and gave me soup which he made fun of me for (the details here I believe can be ignored). His allergies have finally kicked in at Los Alamos and he has the sniffles so now I'm taking care of him. I don't really mind per-se, but, being selfish for a moment, I'm a lot more sick than he is and just want to be taken care of.

I worry that this will forever be the case that I will have to suck up and bear anything that happens to me because it is my personality to be a pushover. I don't know I suppose I just shouldn't be so selfish and let it go.

So this weekend I'm going into the woods for another event. Come hell or high water I will be taking my camera and I will get pics of the recent stuff I've made and there is a lot. So barring any grave misfortune my deviations will be updated for the first time in almost a year? Anyway, wish me luck!!

When I was 17 I tried to kill myself by taking 32 600mg tablets of ibuprofen. I didn't die, I didn't even get sick or throw up or anything. I got up at 50 got ready and went to formation just like any other day. When I was 18 I tried slitting my wrists. My left arm still has a scar that runs from my wrist down 2/3rds of my forearm. I ran them under warm water for an hour. It bled a lot even after, but I didn't die, deemed it useless and went back to bed and again was at formation bright and early the next day.

Sometimes in trying to do what you think is best you cause your own depression. I beat it the same year I slit my wrists and have been finding what makes me happy ever since, and for the most part I have. It doe seem however the old me and the new me have one thing still in common: they don't make anyone else happy at least not the ones I wish it did.

I think I didn't die for a reason. I have no other explanation. I should have died, its that simple and I didn't. I'm really glad I didn't. Despite the morbidity of this journal I'm not depressed. Not really. Everyone has highs and lows from time to time and this is just a low for me. I'm very happy and hopeful for the future.

Often times I'll remind people, when they start to feel sorry about me for my past, that instead of looking back on it with sadness I like to be thankful for it because I learned things from it that I would have never learned otherwise. Experience is all in the past and boy do I have plenty of that